Found these today, in one of my old files of poems.
The golden circle
there is no beginning and no end
it wraps itself around and around
a golden circle shining in the sun
slipping itself around my heart
like a noose
I choke, I gasp, I pray
leave me be
let me live
it keeps clawing away at my soul
stealing one little piece at a time
chip, chip, chip
stop it, stop it, stop it
but there is no beginning and no end
I'm suffocating, I choke, I sputter
I float up into the sky,
my essence mingles with the air
and I am flying, flying, flying
It claws, it clutches, it catches me
I am coming back down, down, down
the golden circle shines in the sun
it blinds me
now it holds on tighter
there is no beginning and no end
and there is no me
pain in my chest
death of us
alone and cold
I miss the sound of your voice,
I miss you telling me how I was closer to you, than anyone else in this world.
And I knew it was the truth.
I miss knowing what you were going to say, before you said it.
I miss your intelligence and your unique way of seeing things, like no one else.
I miss being best friends, and how we understood each other, so completely.
I miss being able to talk to you about nothing, for hours.
I miss being able to tell you all of my secrets, knowing you would die before repeating them to anyone.
There was a time when I lived to hear the sound of your voice.
How is it that you lied, but one of the things I love most about you, is your honesty?
Every once in a while, I dream everything between us is uncomplicated and right.
Then I wake up and I am sad. But oh so happy, for you. Truly.
I just wish I knew you were happy too.
- Jersey Shore, United States
- In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I feel compelled to rescind my former blog post titled "Khal Drogo, The Real Reason I Watch Game of Thrones..." This is a first for me as I have never, ever, taken back what I've said before, but in this instance, I must. Because, I have spent the better part of this summer with my head stuck in George Martin's Seven Kingdoms...and I don't ever want to come out!!!
I really would not want any of you to label me disingenuous, so I had to come clean. Although, I do still stand firmly by my statement that Drogo died way, way, too soon for me, (which has an awful lot to do with Jason Mamoa and his amazing ABS and not the story line) I will most definitely keep watching Games of Thrones!! I am in awe of this story. Although I will always find myself pining for what will never be, (Khal Drogo and his Khaleesi riding off in the sunset together...) I can't stop reading this series, and am, in all honesty, quite obsessed with it.
So, please accept my apologies as I humbly beg all of your pardons. I am withdrawing my former blog post as I spoke in too much haste, as well as lust. Please forgive me. :)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Taking my daughter to the McQueen Exhibit and enjoying the Metropolitan Museum of Art with her was an EPIC, UNFORGETTABLE DAY, for sure. And it all started with a huge surprise. The Husband actually sprung for a LIMO to take us into the city! What?
Yep. A limo. I would post some pics here, but everyone knows what happens in the limo, stays in the limo.... (too funny to not include at least one shot of my girls gone wild...)
We arrived in style, but, my daughter's happiness quickly turned to dismay. The woman at the information desk informed her there was an extremely long wait to see the Savage Beauty Exhibit. (Close to two hours) Now, we had only a very limited amount of time before the limo turned back into a pumpkin and our fine clothes back into rags! What to do, what to do?
There was so much she wanted to see at the MET, but what called her here was the sweet siren song of McQueen's designs. While she was lamenting her decision, we walked towards the never ending line and tried to think positive. Face crest fallen, and eyes full of unshod tears, she decided to forgo Savage Beauty in order to maximize our time, and still be able to view other exhibits. She was not a happy girl. But then, out of nowhere, a little miracle happened.
This wonderful, amazing, insightful museum attendant looked into my daughter's eyes and saw her inner torment. She stepped in front of The Husband, blocking his egress! (Which is a very ballsy and brave move, since, The Husband is built like a Mountain and moves with the all of the grace and ease of a Rhino) She practically shouted at him, with her bold, loud and heavily accented voice.
"Vhat's vrong? May I help you?"
Her stature and frame were small, but that voice and her nerve HUGE! It was love at first sight, for me. Right then and there I decided to make her into a character for one of my books! How she managed to stop The Husband short without being trampled in the process, and then speak around his general largeness and elicit a response from my little girl, was truly awe-inspiring!! In any event, a teary-eyed Faith retold her tale of woe. How she longed to see the Alexander McQueen exhibit for her b-day, our lack of time to stand on line and see anything else, the decision she lamented and ultimately had to make for the good of the family, etc. She remained quiet until Faith finished, then, our little matron started barking at us, again.
"You stand there, I vill help you."
When she started shouting rapid fire questions in our faces, I imagined she must miss her former life as a KGB Agent. However my wild mind imagined her past, this amazing little woman handed us a golden ticket to our future. A Savage Beauty VIP pass for five, to go to the front of the line!!! The last thing she said/yelled into my little girl's astonished face was:
"Now You Vill Have Happy Birthday!"
It sounded more like a threat, than a wish of good will. And after a command like that, my daughter wouldn't dream of not enjoying her special day. While we breezed past no less than 300 hot, pissed off, impatient New Yorkers, waiting on that line, I hoped our little Natasha keep a weapon hidden somewhere under the curator's guise she now wore.
In any event, the exhibit was absolutely FAN-FREAKING-TAB-U-LOUS!! There were no photographs allowed inside, otherwise I would share them here with you all. My daughter was overjoyed! We felt like VIP's all day long. I will not soon forget our benefactor, as I will be featuring her as the star of her own short story on my blog sooner than later. All in all, it was the BEST DAY EVER according to my little girl, and that makes me the happiest mom in the world. :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
This morning I asked my daughter what she wanted for her 10th b-day. Brief pause, then, "Can we go to the MET and take in the Savage Beauty Exhibit?" Um, can you say, HELL TO THE YEAH!!
OMG I want to see that McQueen exhibit so freaking bad!! And I am over the moon my daughter asked to go see it for her b-day, but, a little warning bell started ringing in my head. I began racking my brain, trying to remember if I ever, mentioned wanting to go, in front of her. I don't think I have... but I wanted to be absolutely certain. I don't want her to want to see the exhibit, just because I want to. (Are you following my cracked logic here?)
As a rule, I keep almost everything I want to do, to myself. (Unless you count when I blog/whine about it, LOL!) The opportunities to pick up and go do whatever I want to do, now that I'm a mom, just don't happen very much anymore. When something I would love to do crosses my path, I usually just sigh and pause for a moment. Then I think to myself, how nice would it be if I could just go into the city and...take in the McQueen exhibit? Or how nice would it be if I could just go out and meet some friends for a drink....but then someone barges into the bathroom and interrupts even the thought of me doing something for myself. (Like using the bathroom!)
Don't get me wrong, I am very, very happy in my role as a momma. There is absolutely nothing in this world I love more than my three little girls. And I certainly don't ever want my children to feel or think for a second I resent giving up doing things, for them. I chose this life. I chose to have THEM. And I would, without hesitation, make the same choice, again and again and again.
But now I'm faced with a little dilemma. (This is a very similar situation to one I was in, not that long ago, with the very same kid in question here. This same kid won the opportunity to go to the Young Author's Conference with her excellent writing skills, and I wigged. Big time. Look back at that blog entry for a little writing sample of hers, and a laugh.) And yet here I am, back in a similar situation, with this same kid, and I'm wigging out, all over again.
Did I mention how much I love her? She and I are very much alike. If she were an adult, she would be, without a doubt, one of my BFF's. Is it wishful thinking, that this child of mine and I, could genuinely share the love of writing, art, fashion, books, and music??? Or, am I just kidding myself and this is the very same delusional thinking a Toddlers & Tiaras mom has, (who I abhor, BTW), while swearing up and down to the camera, trying to convince herself and all of America, her kid just LOVES competing in Beauty Pageants? OMG, my mind is reeling.
I don't ever want to be the type of mom who pressures her kids into loving what I love, just because I do!! I don't ever want them to think I won't be supportive or approve of what makes their little hearts and minds tick. I want my girls to grow up to be individuals, with a very strong sense of self!! All that being said, I have to admit to feeling absolute, pure, unadulterated, JOY when my girl asked to go to an ART EXHIBIT for her b-day!! Did I mention she's only 10? Am I (pushing) leaning my kids towards what I love without meaning to? How do you know? How can you tell if she really, really loves these things too, or she's doing it to make you happy?
Of course, any advice and/or comments, are always greatly appreciated. Especially if you have older children and went through a similar wigging. Maybe, only time will tell where her true interests lie. In the meantime, it is wrong to revel in the glory of taking my first mother/daughter trip to the MET????